A very personal and sad post today, one I prayed desperately I wouldn't have to write.
A while back I posted (after a blogging break) that I had been absent because I was trying to help a family member with an alcohol addiction. That person was my beloved youngest brother. It was just about two years to this day, that I even learned he was an alcoholic. Talk about being caught utterly off guard. That revelation upended and unbalanced my life. It marked a point of "no return" so to speak because, I have since learned, there is NO GOING BACK to the life that once was, after it is impacted this way.
Tragically he lost his battle and his life last night to the disease.
He was brilliant, a highly accomplished Optometrist and a sensitive, good & kind Human Being (among many other attributes.) I loved him so very much and will miss him every day for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I've never disliked anything more than I now do drug & alcohol addiction. The senseless way it takes so many lives every year and how helpless it makes those who love the person addicted is absolutely frustrating and downright cruel. I don't know what other methods can be developed to deal with this issue but the options currently available are horribly inadequate. One stint in rehab is rarely enough. My brother entered three different rehabs in the last year and a half of his life but none of them ever came close to changing his habits. As many of you are all too aware, he is not alone in that outcome.
Now my brother, my friend, is gone. My loss = his peace. The one person I thought I would go thru life with has left a monumental void, one I am certain I do not even fully realize yet. I have no choice but to take comfort in and believe that he is now bathed in Eternal Light & Love, unencumbered by the demons of this earthly world. Otherwise the grief would be too much to bear. Farewell dear Thomas, until we meet again, I always loved you and always will.
Dear Kathleen: No one can know your personal loss, but please know that we care and pray for you and your family. Alcoholism is a rotten disease. Peace to you and yours.
Posted by: Beth @ PlantPostings | April 29, 2015 at 11:33 AM
Kathleen, I am so sorry my dear. What a heartbreaking loss for you and your family. I wish I could give you a comforting hug. Sending healing thoughts your way. xoxo
Posted by: Gail | April 29, 2015 at 01:00 PM
Dear Kathleen, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I pray that God's grace and the fond memories of Tom will carry you and your family through this hard time.
Posted by: Karen (Horst) H. | April 30, 2015 at 08:24 AM
My heart just breaks for you Kathleen - you did everything possible to help Thomas and he was so blessed to have you as his loving sister. It's a horrible loss and it will take you time to get over it - take all the time you need. And I am always here for you. Thomas is at peace and pain free now and hopefully that brings you some comfort. Love you my friend!
Posted by: Dana | April 30, 2015 at 06:02 PM
I am so glad that Tom contacted me a year and a half ago. We had many long ( 3 hours sometimes!) conversations. He still called me Aunt Nancy and said that our conversations always made him feel better. My husband and I prayed for him regularly. I still see those beautiful eyes of his looking at me the first time I met him when you lived in Virginia. I'm glad that i got the opportunity to tell him I loved him. This was a beautiful post from you. thank you!
Posted by: Nancy Anderson | May 02, 2015 at 06:38 PM
Oh Kathleen, what a sad, sad story. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your dear brother. May your memories console you.
Posted by: Robin | May 04, 2015 at 08:09 AM
I just stumbled onto your blog and this post. I am sorry for your loss. Five years ago my best friend-since childhood- lost her battle with alcohol in much the same way as your brother. I, too, was caught unaware much like you until a couple of years prior to her death. As you say my loss=her peace. Remember the good times and may you find your peace as well.
Posted by: Melissa | May 04, 2015 at 09:48 PM
Oh Kathleen, my heart ached for you as I read this post. What a beautiful person you are. I am so sorry for your loss. So tragic! Thinking of you as you work through your grief. As you said so eloquently. "He is bathed in Eternal Light and Love unencumbered by demons of this earthly world." Hope you can take comfort in that at this time! Hugs...
Posted by: Jan Barron | May 08, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I can't possibly know what you feel and words fail at times like this. I can only wish you grace and strength for whatever you are feeling..grief seems to be personal and have its own timetable. sometimes there's not timetable, it's just forever. I hope those you love take care of you!
Posted by: Linda | May 10, 2015 at 10:45 AM
Kathleen, I am so sorry to hear that your brother has passed. We can hold on to them only so far. He knew how much you loved him. I pray God will give you comfort.
Posted by: Dora Candler | May 10, 2015 at 11:01 AM
Kathleen, What a very difficult situation and set of experiences you have had. I will pray for peace and comfort for you and all family members. May you feel God's love through the love of your family and friends.
Posted by: Shady Gardener | May 10, 2015 at 07:00 PM
I am crying for you and your loss right now. I am so so sorry. Addiction is a horrible thing and the treatments are woefully inadequate.
Posted by: sweetbay | May 14, 2015 at 07:48 AM
I'm so sorry. I truly feel for you. My father was an alcoholic but I think having a sibling die this way must be overwhelming.
Posted by: Victoria | May 17, 2015 at 07:57 AM